Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
this boner is exhausting
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
