Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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