found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
