You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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