my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
