Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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