There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
