How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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