White coat. Heels.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
