i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
