pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She's just so happy...and so naked.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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