dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize