I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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