All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
