I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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