i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
