He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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