paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
