we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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