Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
