Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
