Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
