just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
