I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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