a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
