woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
