I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he fucked my hip out of place.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
