I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
