I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
