I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
