Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
