i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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