It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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