You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
