Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
