3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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