I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
