you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
