She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize