careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
