it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
