from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
