Pants 0. Shit 1.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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