once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize