Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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