1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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