i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
