Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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