the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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