It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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