He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
