she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
