she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
