OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
