8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
