I accidentally had phone sex last night
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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