My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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