Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
