tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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