Dude my mom stole all your condoms
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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