my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
