Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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