cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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