Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
