Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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