I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I had to cum in my sink.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
