dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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