i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You can't just leave with hair like that
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
