it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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