I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
