Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
