I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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