those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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