I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
