just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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